My balls are so social today.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
