Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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