I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
