I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
