you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
