He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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