I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
