Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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