dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
