DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
