u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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