I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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