She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
