we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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