K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
