So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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