Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
