And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
