Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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