every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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