so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
