dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
