she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
