You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
