It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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