honey bunches of taint.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
