Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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