nut hugger
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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