R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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