i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
