Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
