Well douche your snatch and let's go!
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
