girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
