Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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