So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
