after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We're too hungover to prance.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
