Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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