All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Your penis caused this!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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