i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
