I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
