don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
