Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
