I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I touched a dick in church today
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
