also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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