I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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