So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
