i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
