I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
