Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
