Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
