if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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