Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
