Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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