That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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