You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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